Tuesday, December 2, 2008

nerves III

i don't wanna go
to the institute tomorrow
wanna lie down in my bed
curled up under my covers instead

not that anyone is really giving me a choice.
why can't i just listen to my shaking inner voice?
it's telling me to run away, to hide,
fears exploding from deep inside
what can they really do for me?
NOTHING! NOTHING! don't they see?!
don't they see the pain exploding?
don't they see my brain's imploding?
no longer can i take the pain
driving me so mad, insane
head is spinning, keeps on whirling,
round and round my thoughts are swirling
heart says "bite!"
brain says "fight!
ignore those urges with all your might!"
images appear in flashes
this is me before all crashes
in the morning will i wake?
put on a smile, bright and fake?
or will i refuse to rise,
till mother threatens, "otherwise..."

i know what i need right this second. and there's no way i'm gonna be able to get it. not while i'm holed up in my house, away from...everyone.
and so, i'm stuck. i will continue to suffer...alone.


  1. I wish I could give you some comfort. I know how much it hurts to feel so isolated and alone. I know you dont feel it right now but you really are so brave to be doing this. Im wishing you all the luck and if you need to vent or just need someone to listen you can pm me anytime hun.


  2. kacy, i actually sent you one maybe yesterday? i'm not sure...


  3. you did? oh about the blog?? Ive been so crazy busy , wud you mind sending it again so I dont forget? Sorry...


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