a whole speech about marriage.
why am i here?
the thoughts going through my head...
it's definitely a "where's the log off button on my brain?" moment.
it's hurting a lot.
it hurts everywhere....my whole body! make it go away...
i don't want to hear this.
i don't want to hear about yaakov spending 14 years in shem ve'ever...on torah marriage classes.
i don't want to hear about how yaakov hadn't yet fulfilled the mitzvah of p'ru u'revu.
i don't want to hear about how many hours of kallah classes is considered a lot.
maybe in a few years.
take me away!
my body is going haywire. i can't deal with the pain!
i thinkn i really need to read "recreating yourself" and teach myself how to consciously dissociate. cuz i can't stay here anymore.
don't talk to me about yaakov meeting rochel. NONONONONONONONONONONONONONO!
i don't want to hear this! NOT NOW! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
PLEASE NO! NOT NOW! I CAN'T HEAR THIS! NOT NOW! please...please...please take me away. please...please...please stop. i can't listen. no more. i'm gonna focus only on my writing. what should i write about? i can't even think about anything but what's going on around me. my brain is such a mush i can't focus.
NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!
i will not let myself panic. they're just words. i will not let myself panic. they're just words. i will not let myself panic. they're just words. i will not let myself panic. they're just words. i will not let myself panic. they're just words.
for goodness sakes! he's talking about something that happened more than 3000 years ago! why is it affecting me so much?!
STOP! PLEASE STOP!
why now rabbi? why now?
remind me next week. maybe i shouldn't come.