Thursday, May 14, 2009

Day 2-May 1

They wake me up before 7. The nurse leaves a cup on the dresser for a urine sample. There is no way I'm giving that. I roll over and go back to sleep, waking up for vitals and cuz they want to take blood. Again. What the hell do they need my blood for anyway? After that, I get back into bed until the phones get turned on. Call my mother, then I eat a rubber omlette for breakfast. Then they call mr for rounds. I see a man there and freak out. THEY PROMISED ME NO MEN! I tell them that and walk out. I'm on status still, so the nurse follows me back to bed. Then, the social workers come and they talk to me till I calm down. How many times do I have to answer the same freakin questions? I'm still wearing Wednesdays clothing cuz they won't give me my stuff. They keep saying they will but they don't follow through. This place is not helping me. I'm in bed again. I asked the social worker of there's anywhere I can get online and she says no, cuz the focus here is treatment. WTH?! I'm totally shut off from the world no Internet, no texting, no phones, I can't have a pen or pencil only marker. So I can't write normally. It's like shabbos all day every day. I haven't gone to the bathroom since Wednesday cuz they won't let me go alone. I'm gonna have to go eventually. But it's so demeaning! I haven't brushed my teeth yet, cuz my toothbrush and toothpaste are with the stuff they won't give me. Same with my hairbrush. The phones won't be on until 2:00 but with no watch and no clock in my room, how am I supposed to know they're on? This place is so messed up. The only good thing is that I'm crying a lot. That's how mad that made me. Finally, the nurse gave me a pen!!
At around one, wanda came on watch. She's the only one I like so far. She's sweet. She had been here earlier when I walked out on the psychiatrist and the social worker came to talk to me. So she knows I was sexually abused and that I'm terrified of guys and the gowns. Anyway, I told her I as wearing the clothes since Wednesday and she took me to the nurse's station and let me take my clothes out. And my toothbrush and toothpaste, and money for the phones. So now, at least I'm neat, even though I'm not that clean. Also, since I'm not totally terrified of her, I finally went to the bathroom. I skipped lunch, it looked disgusting. This place is crazy! There is a girl across the hall who's been here for five months already! And I think there's something wrong with my brain right now. I've been writing in prose only. I should take a nap, but I've been napping for so long. Since I haven't joined the group yet, I don't really feel comfortable with the people here, all I've done so far is nap and get up when they make me. I didn't feel safe all night last night, cuz I'm not allowed to shut the door. My head is splitting. I hate the way some of the staff talk down to us. "Youre a busy one today." hello that's how I talked to my students.
The status person sitting with me now is the one I don't like, but at least I spoke to mommy and she's on the way. And she told me that my friend is coming too, on her way to where she's going for shabbos. So I'm gonna have at least two visitors today. And mommy is gonna stay for shabbos. Man I just heard Sheila say she's gonna be here for two hours. I'm gonna go bananas! The pastoral care guy came to introduce himself, and freaked me out a bit. I'm such a scared baby. Having someone constantly stare at me is giving me the heebie jeebies.
Just learned something new. My name is on the list of "trays outside", which means officially I'm not allowed to eat in the room with everyone else. Sheila, (person I don't like) complimented me on my appetite tonight. That's cuz she couldn't really see what I ate. According to the slip of paper on my tray, I had baked eggplant. Really it was vegetarian stuffed cabbage. Better than the dry chicken last night. I didn't finish it. Side was really disgusting. Potato kugel and peas and carrots. I found out about the tray outside thing when I went to dump my stuff.
My friend didn't make it here in the end.

No comments:

Post a Comment

c'mon, i know you're reading this! what do you think?