Sunday, March 18, 2012


The deception of my online friends is easy. People here only know about Little Sheep what Little Sheep tells them.

So if the last thing I posted was that I'm doing well, out of my parents' house, and done with therapy, why shouldn't anyone--everyone--believe me?

You should believe me, because you don't know any better.

I tried to not tell you. I told myself there's no reason so many people need to know of my struggles, that it's best kept among a select few of my real life friends, that I'd do better keeping this more private.

There's a problem with that. You see, I have come to depend on the support of my online friends. My real life friends shouldn't have to carry the burden of being my support without the help of the people who supported me in the past-because this is bigger.

If I needed this support when I was just a run-of-the-mill PTSD sufferer, I need it all the more so now. I love my real life friends-they do a lot for me. But I need the support of the online community, because there are so many more of you. Because no one in my real life world seems to really be struggling with the same issues as me anymore, and I feel so alone.

So, so alone.

So no more hiding for me. I refuse to cower behind the masks anymore. I am not okay. I am not okay. I am NOT okay.

I am suffering immensely. In the past year, I have been kicked out of a home, I have been forced by said home to leave a therapist who was quite helpful to me, I moved back into my parents home for lack of anywhere else to live. I lost my faith in people, and worked hard to start gaining it back again. I returned to the therapist I liked, was hospitalized, and gained not one but two new mental health diagnosis, one medical diagnosis, and had to leave my therapist again.

I am back.
And I'm not leaving anytime soon.


  1. I totally agree, it is easier to find company online for just about anything. Especially the kind of things people don't like to talk about IRL. Go get em! You won't be alone!

  2. oish...
    smart move you reaching out. holding you in prayers.
    let's talk sometime.

  3. I'm so sorry to hear that! I had been thinking about you and wondering how you're doing. Hope the journey is only uphill from here on (not in effort, but in progress).

  4. Little Sheep, it is so brave of you to come back here again and share your struggles with everyone. I hope you get a large dose of support over here.
    May you be able to overcome these obstacles and come out stronger.

  5. Just so you know, we care and think about you even when you aren't posting. I'm sorry to hear that things have gotten worse again. I hope you can find another place to move quickly. Being in an unhappy environment can be the worst thing in the world.

  6. Oy Little Sheep, that is so awful... I am so sorry!
    Hang in there and hold on tight... it gets better... remember? When there are ups and downs... that's this life we lead, but hey- it's still beautiful, even though it's also increibly ugly!
    Thinking of you and davening for you...

  7. So this post wasn't so clear....BH, I did find another place to live, even before the hospital, and the people I live by are awesome. But it's not enough...never enough.


c'mon, i know you're reading this! what do you think?