Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Understand II

I think some people did not understand my last post. See, people actually in my situation seemed to get it, but those outside of it, didn't.

(my apologies, in advance for not replying to comments on the last post and not publishing all, I'm using a mobile device and can't seem to comment.)

I am Jewish. I am religious-Hassidic, in fact. Yes, there are organizations-tikvah at ohel, ohel itself, the Jewish Board, and others.

If you have read my blog from start to finish, you know that my current therapist is number 11. Although I have never explicitly stated it (that I recall) I have been diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder. (No apologies here-if you comment on my blog in any way denying the existence of my very real illness, I will mark it as spam.)

Do you know how hard it is to find a therapist that works for any given client? Do you know how hard it is to find a therapist experienced in treating DID?

Sure, I can go to a clinic and get low cost therapy, pay five dollars a session. But at what cost to my health? I'm with an amazing therapist, one who gets me, understands me, and actually knew enough to suspect my condition, and knew enough to know where to send me for a proper evaluation. None of my TEN previous therapists saw that. I was just called lazy, and told I wouldn't get better if I didn't do the work and I could never understand what was WRONG with me, that I was killing myself (metaphorically) working in therapy and not getting better! Turns out, it was all the wrong work for me.

Still think I should leave a therapist who has helped me make great strides, and works with all of me, for someone who doesn't know how to screen for DID, let alone treat it? Walk eleven therapists and fifteen years of trying, after (probably more than) seven years of sexual abuse. Then judge.


  1. Since I'm the one that mentioned Tikva, I hope you don't feel that I was the one judging you. I was just trying to help. Tikva has been known to give financial help to some of my pts, and I do not work for them, nor do I actually know any of their workers. In fact, I do not even live in the NYC area any longer. Also, I wasn't suggesting that you change analyst but rather that Tikva or any other organization may be able to help you with the financial assistance you are asking for. I hope you can stay in treatment with the current therapist. I have had pts with DID before and I know how harrowingly hard and lengthy the process is, but there is hope. You sound really angry in your post which is understandable so I hope that this comment won't make you even more frustrated. Please delete it or spam it or do whatever you need to do with it to protect yourself if it does. I wish you all the best.

  2. We're probably going to stay safely in the dug-out here ... but, we did want to leave a marker comment ... when I saw 11 before - not knowing you very well at all, I thought it meant "the second" instead of "eleven." It makes sense why you are frustrated. That's the word my P-Doc uses. Anything past frustrated still seems "to be" frustrated. I do the same with driving and cars. The bad drivers are all idiots. Never worse, never better. Makes me feel content to "understand them." :)

    All our best,

  3. Cherut-Tikva won't talk to you about anything unless you go in for a full intake evaluation with them. A: I don't have time in my life for it; B: why would I go let a clinic in on all my issues when I'm doing WELL where I am? I'm growing, changing and improving-so why on Earth would I want to do that? In addition, I've gone the organization route. They don't want to help you pay for long term treatment. No one does. Not unless you have cancer or a physical handicap-then everyone comes running. People like me weren't made to be helped. I never even receive replies from the organizations. They just ignore, or tsk, or whatever when they hear about my case, but they don't return a call, or drop me an email.

    Anns-LOL about the "frustrated". I fluctuate between wanting to smash a wall and wanting to kill. Luckily, neither of those have happened yet.


c'mon, i know you're reading this! what do you think?