Missing Therapy

For the first time since my last hospitalization I missed therapy this morning. I don't know why I didn't sleep last night-I was in bed and mostly sleeping, just not deeply enough. I just couldn't get up this morning.

I had a piano lesson this week, which was really nice. I can almost play what I learned without the notes! I also had a crochet lesson, though my markers Leo falling out and getting lost. I guess I have to try another new kind. 

I found someone who is willing to try and sell my crochet work to help me pay for therapy, so we will see if that helps. (When I have a few pieces ready, I will let you know how to get them!)

This week....

This week was interesting. I had time to spend with D, and I am slowly learning about her and how and why she operates as she does. She is confusing, as she seems like she's there to harm, but really is there to protect. We have our work cut out for us!

I made the decision to reopen my GoFundMe therapy fund. I don't know how helpful it will be, as my expenses are high, but if everyone I know would share it, maybe it will work. You never know.

Besides for the fund, we are looking to tutor children up to grade four. Prices negotiable, So if you know me in real life, and have a child or know a child who needs tutoring or summer homework help, please send them my way!

B has finished building a dresser, and is moving on to a storage closet next week! I can't wait...We are also trying to finish re-reading all the Harry Potter books, and are almost done Order of the Phoenix.

We are learning to play the piano and how to crochet. So far, we can play three and a half songs, and have completed one crochet project.

More next week...

Fly safe, butterfly friends!

Psychiatrists, Therapists, Hospitals, and Money

After a long search, I did find a new psychiatrist. So far, she's been really amazing. But that hasn't stopped me from heading to the hospital twice this year so far. So, Medicare, how many private hospitalization days do I have left now? Don't answer that.

My therapist is amazing. She puts up with so much from me-midnight emails, late payments, missed appointments, and the general hullabaloo that is DID. It sure is messed up.

This week, I had the honor of meeting another part of myself. D has been hovering near the surface for a while. She recently asked a friend of mine to assist my suicide. Now I know why I ended up in the hospital a few weeks ago, though the hospital didn't think it was necessary for me to figure out why I was there before letting me go. What's up with that?

There's a new chaplain/pastoral care person in the hospital I usually end up in. I hope that one day she will find this and know how much I appreciate how much she helped me while I was there. It amazes me that a chassidish woman is so open and willing to talk about my issues, without any euphemisms. Thank you Dobra, for all your help!

The grant that has been helping me pay for my therapy for the last year is up now. I don't know how I'm going to continue paying. I wish the people I usually discuss this kind of stuff with were around, but I can't seem to get in touch with anyone.

D is so close to the surface. I really need her to go inside. Somehow, the china plates she is shattering in her safe place is not enough for her. I wish this week were a regular therapy week and she could come out in therapy on Friday, but my next session isn't until Monday.

B had a good time this week building our friend's dresser. He would have been happier with me if we hadn't had to stop in the middle-twice-bit hopefully we'll get to finish it tomorrow and he will be happy with the results.

That's the news in the system.
Safe flying, butterfly friends!