Shame

Curl up
Shrivel
Shrink into myself
Slowly disappear

Shame

Help vs. Advice

There's quite a lot I need in my life.
Some of it, you can give me.
Some of it, you know someone who can.
And one of it has to come from God.

Sometimes, I need help.
If I come to you with a request for help,
And it's not something you can do for me,
Saying "I'm sorry I can't help you with that"
Is fine.
Is good.
Is even helpful.
Honesty helps.

Sometimes, I need advice.
If I come to you for advice,
And it's not advice you can provide
Saying "I can't help you with that"
Is fine.
Is good.
Is even helpful.
Honesty helps.

But if I come to you for help
And don't ask for advice
Please don't offer it.
It hurts.
It makes me feel like you don't trust me.
Trust my judgement.

So just stop.
Please.

And when you condition your help
On me going against the advice
And professional recommendation of my treatment team
Not only do you sound dumb
And unhelpful
But I begin to question
Whose best interest you have in mind-
Is it mine
Or your ego's?

Nightmare

When you have a nightmare
And one of your favorite people in the world
Hurts you
And you know it's not real
But you still need to reality check it
But that person
Is away from home
With no cell phone
And you just
Have
To
Wait

Tired

I'm so tired
Tired of begging
Asking people to help me pay
For treatment
For something that wasn't
My fault.

Just like cancer patients
Get treated
Get helped
Even if they can't pay
We all get together
Make sure their needs are met
Because they can't help it

Shouldn't I?