Monday, January 6, 2014


I ran into a former teacher of mine last week. I haven't seen her in over ten years. We got to talking, she and I. As always, I hid behind my mask. My mask of being the Bais Yaakov girl she thinks I am.

She mentioned how she remembers my davening. I remember it, too. And it made me so angry.

She SAW! She SAW the pain I was in, all those years ago. She SAW how I cried.

I remember her asking once, what was wrong. I didn't answer her. And she accepted my silence. She didn't probe. She didn't tell me that no matter what, I can come to her.

She chose to take the easy way out. She chose to assume...what? I don't know what she assumed. Maybe she thought I had a sick relative?

She watched me daven, and cry. Five days a week, for an entire school year. And then I moved on, to another grade, another teacher. I wasn't her problem anymore.

And I continued crying. Silently.

Thursday, January 2, 2014

Response to Mishpacha article "King of Hearts"

As an abuse survivor, as well as an abuse blogger, I take issue with your painting abuse bloggers with a single paintbrush.

Yes, there are "enraged bashing" blogs. But many of us are just out there telling our stories, seeking support. When I started my blog, I was almost completely alone in my healing journey.  Now, I have a network of over 100 girls and women, and have only disconnected from a dozen or so, because they bash, and that's not our purpose.

Additionally, while I respect the view that classroom teaching may not be as modest as one-on-one discussions with parents, I know from not only my own experience, but the collective experience of my large support network, that leaving the education only  to parents can be devastating. As was correctly pointed out in the article, abuse is more likely to occur within the family system than in school. What about the hundreds of kids who think abusive behavior is normal, because it's coming from their parents. If Totty is doing it, it must be okay, right? And if Totty or Mommy is the abuser (because females do offend as well), who is sitting down to have this one-on-one talk?

I do not know if any research supports my personal recommendation in this area, but I believe the best abuse prevention education system is a three pronged approach with checks and balances. Education must come from the parents, the school, and the child's doctor. This way, if any one part of the system is failing, the other two are there to catch the child.