spiders I

when the spiders come
they do what they want
and go where they want
and i can’t stop them

i cry, and call a friend
she stays with me while
i cry and complain
i have nothing nice to say.

i bite my hand. over the
phone, no one can tell that
my fist is stuck inside
my mouth and i hurt.

i try to scratch myself
to brush them away
but my body thinks
my hand is another one.

then, my mind wanders
and i can’t tell what
happened, what i read
and what’s my imagination.

but my body reacts
with more spiders
as though it’s all
happening to me now.

fear

i lie and feel the sensations
run through my body
i can’t control them
they come on their own
leave only when they want
so i wait and hope
that this too shall pass

scandal

We sit at the table and
my brother asks did
you hear about the
scandal in the yeshiva?

A man is claiming that
a member of the
faculty molested him
when he was a boy.

He wants $20 million
so the acusee fled
the country. It
hasn’t yet made it
to the courts.

Then he says Avi
____ won’t believe it
really happened until
he’s shown evidence.

So another brother asks
does he believe it
about his own
father?

Avi’s father has been
asked to leave every
shul in the neighborhood
except one because

many boys in the area
over many years
have been molested
by him. and all

the boys in the neighborhood
know not to hang
around near him
because he’s dangerous

why does God let
these horror stories
continue in our
community?