positive post 17

before i start...

i'm going on vacation for two weeks, so this will be my last post til i get back, unless i happen to get internet access at some point. i don't expect to though. don't miss me too much!

i wasn't so good about writing things down this week, but here goes:

this week i...

~had a friend over twice

~remembered modeh ani and shema every day

~went to work three days (on time all three)

~went for therapy twice

~remembered my meds every day

~fasted tish'a b'av!! (i almost never fast)

~went out for ice cream with *me*

~didn't freak out when i ended up alone in an elevator with a man

~told my therapist when i was triggered in session, and then grounded myself

~got a manicure and my hair done without freaking out-AND didn't get told to relax even once by the manicurist!

~ate more than one meal a few times

see you in two weeks with a REALLY long positive post!!

It ??

It "thinks"
It pleases
It squeezes
It teases

It gives a pinch
It makes me flinch
It hurts me since
It makes me wince

It gives a scratch
makes me detach
i give a whack
It hurts me back

It creeps
It seeps
ruins sleep
without a peep

It crawls around
makes no sound
shoves me aground
hounds and pounds

It cuts, It stings
pains It brings
tightly clings
ties down my wings
wish i could
get rid of this thing

three months

made it to three months.

messed up.

not too badly (yet)

trying hard not to make it worse.

i'm sorry.

aching
shaking
quaking

pain
strain
insane

hurts
bursts...
assert!

i can make
the pain
stop!

urges

urges
getting stronger
by the minute
i
know i
won't do it...

i won't
i won't
i won't!

positive post 16

this week i...

~said modeh ani and shema almost every day

~davened four days

~ate three meals two days, and two meals two days

~visited a (far away) friend (thanks friend) with a friend (double thanks!! hm, hm, went the little green frog...)

~went for therapy twice

~remembered my meds every day

~visited two friends

~went walking with a friend

~went to a bris

~went to work on time three days, and a bit late one day

~cleaned my kitchen and did shopping for my mother

...next week, even better!

icky body

yuck
yuck yuck
yuck ick yuck
yuck yuck
yuck
ew
ew icky icky icky icky ew
ew__ yuck yuck yuck __ew
ew__ yuck yuck yuck __ew
ew__ yuck yuck yuck__ ew
ew __yuck yuck yuck __ew
i ha _te this body this ha_ te it
ugly dirty smelly
ewew___ ewew
ewew___ ewew
ewew___ ewew
ewew ___ewew
icky____ icky
icky____ icky
body of____ mine :-(

positive post 15

this week i...

~remembered modeh ani and shema every day

~remembered my meds every day

~davened some days

~had two meals two days, three meals one

~went to a vort

~applied for and accepted a job

~went out with my cousin

~went for therapy twice

~visited with three friends

~went with my cousin to take her kids to the doctor

~called a friend i lost touch with

next week...even better!

my new blog

hi everyone,

people send me links to letters about abuse all the time, and i find them all over. i just started a new blog, where i post these letters. if you have any links or letters (not articles! only letters written by survivors and their friends!) please continue to send them to me!

touching me 7/7/09

i feel him
touching me
he's not here
i'm in my room
with my friend
she's on the phone
i'm at the computer
and i feel him
touching me
hurting me
make it
stop!

goals 7/10-16

this week i will:

~be in bed by midnight
~take my morning meds before ten, and my night meds by 11:30
~eat two meals every day
~daven by eleven every day
~read three pages of my CBT book before bed

positive post 14

this week i...

~remembered modeh ani and shema every day

~remembered my meds every day, both morning and night

~davened most days

~visited with three relatives and six friends on 13 occasions (wow! that's really cooler than i thought it would be)

~ran errands for my mother

~made soup, fish, and challah

~ate two meals on three days and three meals on one

~got my hair done and a manicure

what does happiness feel like?

i want to write a post with this title, but i can't get the words to come out. it's a problem with the way i write, i only get stuff to work when i'm really down. but i don't want it to be that way! i'm happy now, and i want the world to know! help me write it everyone!! what does happiness feel like?

goals 7/3-9

i decided that if my goals and positive posts go up on the same day, i'm more likely to remember to take care of my goals, so...

this week i will:

~be in bed by midnight
~take my morning meds before ten, and my night meds by 11:30
~eat two meals every day
~daven by eleven every day
~read three pages of my CBT book before bed

positive post 13

to finish off last week, i got a manicure and my hair done, with minimal freaking! sounds worse than usual, i know, but it was REALLY hard not to freak out at the hair salon since it was full of guys, so i'm extra proud of it.

this week i...

~remembered modeh ani every day

~remembered shema some days

~remembered my meds most days

~helped my friend with some stuff she needed to get done three days

~visited with friends/family three times

~ate two meals three days

~went for therapy twice (guy therapist!!) and spoke to my therapist on the phone once

~went to a shiur

~davened three days

~manicure and hair without freaking out