letting go

today i had fun playing around with my new watercolors! i just let go, and let myself do whatever my brush told me to...and this is what came out. thanks shef for encouraging me!

new art supplies!

i went shopping today with shef for new art supplies! i can't wait to try them out...here's what i got:

a full rainbow of poster paints, watercolors, brushes, and glass/ceramics paint

3D foam stickers, for putting words on pages

my new container, for the supplies i use the most

me

i used puff paints for this page. it's not really done yet, but i decided to post it as is. i'm not sure what to do with the last square...

top row: L-R: after surviving, seeing him, triggered
second row: L-R: with parents, around guys, art heaven
third row: <3 kids, the future, my past
bottom row: peaceful/safe/content, this week

survived

i used random paints i found in my puff paint box for this page. i didn't even know i had them! i wrote the words with puff paint. it didn't come out quite the way i envisioned it, but i tried to go with instinct, and this is what came out...

Fear II

this page was fun to do! the Creative Every Day theme this month is "intuition", which i used for the colored part of it. first, i took glue and squiggled it without thinking on a piece of cardboard. once it dried, i placed it under my page and using random colors, i colored over it, to give my page a textured look. i then used black puff paint to outline the different colors, and to write two quotes about fear, and my thoughts about them.

"we should not let our fears hold us back from pursuing our hope" ~John F. Kennedy

i'll be seeing "him" tomorrow. in fact, because we'll be taking family portraits, with all my siblings, in laws, nieces, and nephews, i'll even be in the same room as him for quite some time. i hope to enjoy the family get together, even with him there.

"try a thing you haven't done three times. once to get over the fear of doing it. twice to learn how to do it. and a third time to figure out if you like it or not." ~virgil thomson

maybe i'll be able to learn to really let myself go and enjoy myself, even if he is nearby...maybe...

The Gifts I've Been Given

i used wrapping paper, crayola crayons, and ribbon for this page! thanks itsagift for the inspiration!

Happy is the Heart That

i used elmer's glue mixed with watercolors for this project. thanks to my friend rebbetzin for the prompt! (it's not really finished, but i loved the way this part came out, and decided to post it as-is)

Foot In Mouth

this page was inspired by the book "Art Therapy Activities" by Pamela J. Stack. The activity is called "Foot In Mouth Faces"...

Guess The Emotion

this page in my art journal was inspired by SD. (You'd be glad to know SD, that i then found your idea in my new art therapy book...) i'm not telling you what the emotion is, but i drew an emotion. your job is to guess which emotion i drew...good luck!

I am a....

thanks once again to my friend "rebbetzin" for the idea! i'd like to thank the blogger who had the quote on his/her blog too, but i can't seem to find the right blog anymore, nor do i remember the blogger's name! if you know who it is, please let me know so i can fix this post...

Who Were You? Are You? WIll You Be?

for this page, i used crayola erasable twistables for the background, then erased lines to write on. the text on the first two lines refers to what i was then...when i was abused, and the first ten years following. the next two lines are about what i'm like now. the fifth line refers to the future, and the last line is a quote from Rabbi Label Lam, from a speech he said at the Ohr Naava Shabbaton...i believe last year.

Fear

for this page, i used black paper and Crayola GelFX colored pencils to journal about my fears...

Oh, the Places You'll Go 2

i used every type of paper i have in my house, cut into circles for this one. thanks scraps for the theme!

Oh, the Places You'll Go

where do i want to go in life? what do i want to accomplish? this piece of art is a small drop in the bucket, i lost patience by writing so small. IY"H, i'll continue to add more things to it as time goes by...i'm not so happy with the way the little guy came out, but i'm not going to make myself (too) nuts over it...

inspired by Dr. Suess, and Rebbetzin. (thanks!)

All About Tears

this page is dedicated to tears. i wrote random thoughts on tears in blue crayola marker, and using a technique that i found on thesamesky, i made the words bleed, to look like i actually cried on the paper. i didn't do as good a job as thesamesky, (no hidden image, sorry guys!) but i did like the technique, it was fun to use!

What Is Holding You Back?

this is not really finished yet, but i decided i liked the way it came out enough to post it. and also, i had to prove to myself that i COULD get over my perfectionism, so i posted it even with the splotch that's ending the unfinished word "insecurity".

for this page, i used a generic brand washable (not so)-neon paint that my therapist originally bought for me to use on my toolbox. i tried writing the words in marker, but it wouldn't write over the paint, so i used puff paint instead (hence the big splotch).

i'm trying to identify the things that are holding me back. so far, i think i'm doing a pretty good job of it, considering that it's the middle of the night, and i spent only five minutes or so writing...

Reasons Why I Love My Body

this one was really hard to do, i had a lot of help! thanks guys! ;-) the edges are a little cut off, i hope you can read them...(good luck trying!)

celebrate your strength day picture

sorry it's not so clear, it's the best i could do!

my toolbox, pictures

here are the pictures i promised you!


(sorry, this one is a little blurry...)

all were made with craft foam (one of my favorite art supplies), puff paint, and hot glue. the box is a square black one. the sides are also decorated, but i didn't bother taking pictures of them...

my tool box

today in therapy, we starting building my toolbox. me being me of course, i redid the whole thing when i got home....my homework today was to add more things to my box. i'm proud to say that i added at least five things!

my toolbox is intended for me to use when things get really hard. when i have flashbacks/nightmares/intrusive thoughts, and all that other PTSD stuff. as soon as my tools are dry (i made them all out of craft foam, hot glue, and puff paint) i'll scan them in and post images. for now though, you'll have to be satisfied with a list of what i can remember...(i'm too lazy to go downstairs and look!)

~squeezing lemons-this is a relaxation technique that my therapist taught me. it's really simple-pretend to be squeezing a lemon with one hand. relax. do it again, harder. relax. do it again, as hard as you can. relax. repeat with other hand...this has been known to stop my leg from jumping up and down.

~humor...apparently, i'm a funny person, and my therapist says that when i joke around in therapy...ouch. i forgot what she said. but she did say something about humor being in my toolbox, so it's there!

~music/singing and making up silly songs

~art-of course! although, i'm busy with my art all the time these days (thanks Wounded Genius!)

~writing-this is something that comes naturally to me. i'm glad i have that outlet!

~exercise-i'm not sure how this will work for me, but i figured, if it's in my toolbox, i might try it out one day lol.

~take a walk outside

~telling someone i need help. saying what i need from them-this one is a real challenge for me.

~flesym dnuorg em spleh siht-sdrawkcab gnilleps

~counting-another grounding technique.

there are more, i just can't think of them right now. i hope to be able to scan and post them all tomorrow!

i also decorated the outside of the box, which was almost as much fun as making the tools themselves!

You Can't Change Your Past, But You Can Change Your Future

scanning was probably not the best method for posting this, but it's the only one i have at the moment. the part that says "sparkly" is on sparkly wrapping paper, "bright" is on neon orange cardstock. the animal print is a really comfortable (on the side that shows anyway) piece of fabric, "soft" is on velour paper. "fun" is actually on three layers, neon pink paper, squares, and then clear with white circles. "worry free" is on a shiny/sparkly silver wrapping paper, with colored dots.

my art journal cover

just finished it! i'm working on a few pages now too, (the first page was "celebrate your strengths") so you should be seeing more art journal posts coming up!

Celebrate Your Strength III

thanks so much to all my friends who helped me with this...you know who you are!

Do You Remember

Do you remember
the time
you came to my room
and I wasn't
expecting you?

Do you remember
how I screamed
and threw things
at you?

Do you remember
the time
I said I
never wanted
to see you
again?

Do you remember
how I came
and knocked on your door
sending hate messages
with your brother?

Do you remember
all my anger
back then?

Do you remember
the stories I'd tell,
when playing lego
house, or school
those things i want
to forget ever saying?

Sometimes,
you inadvertently
remind me of
all these things

and I wonder...
how much of what
I remember
do you remember
too?

(this is directed at a few different people, some of whom, as far as i know, don't even know this blog exists...)

trapped

i'm feeling trapped within my body
trapped within my mind
spiders crawling over me
relief i cannot find
i wish i knew what i could do
to calm the storms inside
when all my instincts tell me
that i should run and hide

and so i try with all my might
to use the skills i've learned
grounding, relaxation,
and praying til i'm heard
the hours pass, although they're long
slowly, my strength returns
honest communication really helped
thanks for your concern!