Sleepy body vs Me

Sleep eludes
As my body tries to prove
A point
That I'm not getting
So it tries again
And again
Squeezing
Harder and harder
More and more often

Clonopin and ambien
Wont help enough
When my body is pushing it
Away
Against my will

Walking Backward

Ever feel
Like you're walking backward
Against your will?

Like your body
Your legs
Just go
In the direction they want
Even though you know it's the wrong way?

That's what's happening now.

I wish my body
And my mind
Would be in sync
With each other.

Murdered

This may turn out to be against my better judgement, but I am posting it anyway.

"Leiby! Leiby!" Thousands took to the streets
looking for a little boy
who didn't come home
missing for just a few hours
and already, the community mobilized
to find him.

And they did.
Too late.
Dead.
Chopped up.

When it's physical
visible
we all go looking.

But what about all of us
who went missing as children
emotionally?
Whose minds are chopped up
ruined
destroyed?
Whose spirituality
connection with G-d
is gone
along with our childhoods?

No one came looking for us...
No one looks for the little girls
who disappear into their heads
whose smiles are gone

No one looks for us
Because our bodies
are still here.

Rethinking

When I first started writing and drawing abotu abuse, more than five years before I started this blog, I portrayed him as menacing in every incident I wrote about.

Now though...I know the truth. I know that sometimes, he was sugary sweet, hugs and kisses, pleading.

It left me confused. If he's so ice, it can't be bad, right? So when I told, when I admitted it was bad, when I stopped blocking...I had to portray him as all black, all bad, all mean...

If not, it would be my fault for listening, for wearing that pair of underwear, for getting undressed, for kissing his penis...after all, he didn't make me....

It's been a while....

It's been a while since I've written here, I wonder if anyone is still reading this!

Things have changed so much in my life over the past few months, it's hard to believe this is me! Where to start....how to get you all up to date on where I'm up to, without revealing my identity...this is hard work!

I know longer live in the Sheep household! I, Little Sheep, now live somewhere else! Me! You're reading right! No more Sheep parents and siblings on a daily basis, only when I fit them into my schedule. Not that I don't love them and all, but it's definitely a new stage in my life!

I'm finishing TF-CBT! This week is my final session with my therapist. We're saying goodbye! And wait til I post pictures of my goodbye present to her...I can't wait til I finish it!

Although it wasn't my original plan, I am continuing therapy over the next few months. I'm starting with a totally new type of therapy though-art and sandtray therapy! This is going to be a whole new experience for me!

Look out for backdated posts over the next few weeks, as I catch you up on (some of) my 2011 art journal!