therapy journal 7

overslept again today. woke up at around a five, which was pretty ok. work was boring, as usual. then went for therapy. it's getting harder and harder. right now i'm a six, not too bad. feel myself going up though. everything feels like a pressure now. just thinking about going to work tomorrow is making me wanna cry. thinking about doing anything right now makes me wanna cry. we have company downstairs, people who i probably won't have another chance to see in a really long time, and i can't even bring myself to go down and spend some time with them. i'm hungry, and i have no energy to go find food. i'm tired, which makes no sense. i've barely been up for eleven hours. must ground myself...

little girl

my little girl is crying
it's so hard for her
"don't you know the danger
in this?" she asks...

my little girl is shaking
it's so hard for her
"don't you know you
shouldn't talk?" she asks...

my throat closes up
squeezes shut
tighter! tighter!
as my little girl tries
to clamp it shut...

therapy journal 6

woke up very late today. was a five in the morning. had a boring day at work-i like my job less every day, even though i'm very busy there now. now i'm a six. not sure why. i wish i knew :-(

therapy journal 5

not sure what i was earlier today. now i'm really nervous, probably at a six or so. i need to ground myself, but need to shower first. feel him touching me. went to the psychiatrist today, we changed my meds. again. but it went ok. got new glasses after.

therapy journal 4

had a really nice shabbos with *me* and shef. l came over in the afternoon, had a nice time. woke up around a four/five, which is pretty good, now i'm closer to a six/seven, not sure why. went out for ice cream after shabbos, now i really need the treadmill. really nervous to go to the doctor tomorrow, maybe that's why my temp went up? need to make some changes in my meds, not sure how i feel about it.