Saturday, January 24, 2009

family gathering

i will not flip, or freak, or panic
though my brain is full of static
i'm really not being dramatic
this whole evening's quite traumatic

i really did not want to see him
nor his wife, nor his children
tried to sit there with a grin
on this happy occasion

and then
i left.

i can't look at his daughter's eyes.
they scare me, much to my surprise
there's something in them i recognise
reminding me of my silent cries

and i can't look. i can't see them.
so i left.
and i didn't go back.

foolish coward.

21 comments:

  1. How would he get married after all??????? Does his wife know anything???

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  2. don't you know that sick jerks get cured through marriage? why should his wife know?

    (please note sarcasm...)

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  3. Cuz that could be dangerous for kidsss!!!!

    Is his wife sick too? I.e. pair of shoes as it would be called in russian...

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  4. his wife is a sweet, innocent, bas yisroel, who is probably being hurt in some way by this too. don't even get me started.

    and yes, it is dangerous for his kids. but don't get me started on that either.

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  5. You aren't foolish dear. You stayed as long as you could manage.

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  6. Well.... I'm scared to think about that..

    But anyway I think you didn't have to stay there at all - you wouldn't offend anyone

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  7. Floating ReflectionsJanuary 25, 2009 at 8:01 PM

    Thinking of u

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  8. you don't think it's time to get someone involved? if his daughter's life is ruined because no one spoke up, you don't think it will come back to haunt you? never mind your parents - you're a big girl, you know!

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  9. arent you afraid for his daughter. Don't you want to help her so she wont have to go throught what you are going through.

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  10. But then, the parents have a kind of ambiguous role:
    On the one hand, they believe you and support you.
    On the other hand, they did keep this important fact from your sister-in-law when she married.

    So it seems that they too are torn: On the one hand, they understand that what happened was horrific, on the other hand, they also want to protect their son????

    Do you tell them what you saw in your nieces eyes?

    You said that your brother was in therapy. But it is true that therapists can be fooled.

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  11. listen sheep I read your blog but nevr comment I just never have the right thing to say- but this post really got me horrified. Is this is a serious post??? and if it is- WHY THE HELLLL arent you doing anything about it? Has a Rov instructed to be quiet? Your parents? Therapist? Then Ok. But otherwise speak up sheep!

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  12. guys, please, stop attacking little sheep!!!!!

    The first person responsable for any harm done is the perpetrator himself.

    The second responsables are the ones who took the decisions not to inform the spouse.

    A therapist involved seems to support this decision: So what the .... do you want from little sheep?

    That she gets thrown out of the family?
    That she gets accused of being hysterical?

    I warned my own sister-in-law about children bathing with their father: they still do...

    So what do you want?

    It is so much easier to sweep things under the rug than to believe the ugly reality.

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  13. and if you have questions left, here is a link:
    http://www.abuse-survivors.org.uk/coping_with_flashbacks.html

    I specially recommand the sections "family relationships" "prosecuting the abuser" and "support - how to support a survivor"

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  14. as of now, i've done what i could on T's behalf. my parents know. the rabbanim know. i got them to force him into therapy. his therapist seems to believe his "regret" and that he would never do something again. maybe i'm just paranoid. maybe i'm seeing things that aren't there. maybe i should stop trying to read a 21 month old's eyes. i don't know. i can only report what i see. that her eyes look as terrorized as mine always have. can i open my mouth again, and say that i'm worried? possibly. if i work up the courage, although i'm not sure i really have any. will it help? will anyone take me seriously? that's another story. realize, i have no concrete proof that anything is happening.

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  16. Dunno, but I think a lot of people here are jumping to conclusions and should be more careful. We don't know that the child is in any immediate danger. Though of course the situation warrants extreme caution and close monitoring, this particular post is about LS's personal feelings when seeing the baby, not about anything that actually happened to the child. The niece is too young to be sending messages with her eyes, imho, and probably too young to be victimized either. Wait and watch, and if something goes awry, there are enough people involved in the situation (as LS said) that they will be on top of it.

    So while LS has valid feelings in her own right, I think the mass hysteria here is unwarranted.

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  17. shef i, you're right about everything EXCEPT for T being too young to be victimized.

    as for sending messages with her eyes...seeing something in someones eyes is not necessarily a message they are sending. "eyes are the window to the soul." a child's eyes can look sad, happy, afraid...only, i think her fear may be of me (lol), the strange aunt whom she rarely sees!

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  18. oops, didn't finish my point on her age-there is no age that is considered "too young." grooming basically has to start at a really young age. but this is not the forum to use to discuss ways to groom a kid-just in case there are any sickos reading this...

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  19. You should try to keep an eye on her and on her behavior.

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c'mon, i know you're reading this! what do you think?