It's hurting me again so bad
just make It go away,
It's not bothering to listen to
a single word i say.
It's hurting me again and again
quite continuously,
sometimes hidden really well
so nobody can see.
and so my nails, hands and teeth
again are put to use,
cuz they're my only coping skills,
i've had them since my youth.
to me It will not listen,
It just won't go away,
but maybe to you It will,
so please yell at It today.
Yes, i know those. "body memories". In me, it is more or less limited to a place, but I hate it. So I imagine how bad it must be when it is even worse.
ReplyDeleteI have had them for the last year and a half, since I started identifying what happened. Before, I had them also, perhaps, but I could not understand what it was.
Now I speak to them: Oh, there you are. Well, I know you. And I know that I am safe, but that you will always be in me. So stay on a bit if you want, and then go away.
i wish i could be sure that It was body memories. the sad thing is, i'm not sure what's a memory and what's not anymore. whatever. it freaks me out to think about it sometimes...
ReplyDeleteYes, I imagine that this is very hurtfull and disturbing.
ReplyDeleteYou had multiple occurences on a longer period of time, so I imagine that there are numerous layers of this kind of memories.
I had it once, and I know what it was about, so I recognise it. But the drawing of your pain you made on the website shows exactely what I imagine: there are so many layers one over the other, that you do not know what comes from where.
I wish I could help you.
I have no control over this thing, and it is only one thing. So I imagine what it must be when 100 or 1000 things freak out and disturb you the whole day.
shoshi, i'm sorry that you've had experiences with It too...while it comforts me to hear that i'm not so crazy, and other people encounter It, it hurts at the same time...
ReplyDelete