I had this feeling so strongly the other day, when my married sister and my older (single) sister were discussing some boys that had been redt for her. I cleared my throat and asked about me, and the two of them squirmed. I suddenly had this moment of "Oh my gosh I will never get married. Nobody out there wants me." Then I squelched it. My time will come. Till then, I'll just wait. And hard as it is, I try to be happy for them and dance with a whole heart at their simchas. It doesn't make my time come any later...
It's hard...I wish I had comfort for you other than "me too" but for now, that's all there is.
I think that in spite of all the positive leaps made for womens rights and liberation, the mindset still prevails in our society that a woman without a ring on her finger is to be pitied and considered a notch below the other ladies. Even if those women's husbands are unemployed, lazy, disrespectful, and contolling, they are still considered "better than nothing" because they take the woman out of the old maid category.
My 28 year old daughter is beautiful and successful. She is a pediatric specialist at one of the most prestigous childrens hospitals in the U.S. She recently bought herself a brand new townhouse and a brand new car. She has NO debts even with those purchases and, in fact, has a large bank account and earns an extremely nice paycheck. Her medical school expenses were paid in full by academic scholarships. Her goal is to open a clinic for underprivileged developmentally disabled children. She has many friends (both male and female)and an active social life. She was engaged a couple of years ago, but broke the engagement because it wouldn't have been fair to her fiance at this time in her life when her career goals and working with "her kids" are the most important things in her life. She is independent, happy, and living the life she dreamed of (being a doctor) from the time she was a little girl. She is an incredible young lady, but the first thing that everyone comments about her is: "It's a shame she's not married." I find that a sad reflection on our society!
I think there would be more happy marriages and fewer divorces if young girls didn't feel they had to accept the first proposal or feel pressured by their parents (and everyone else in their lives) to "find a nice guy, settle down,and get married." Sadly, by being pressured to snatch Mr. Right, these young girls often settle for Mr. Wrong.
Before you jump all over me, this is just the opinion of an older woman who wished she hadn't felt pressured to get married so young. I know there are girls who find their special guy early in life (I did!). However, I married him one month after I graduated from college because that's what everyone expected me to do. How many of you, if you were sincerely honest with yourselves, want to be married for the sake of being married because our culture makes you the odd guy (or gal)because you're not part of a "legal" couple yet...or choose not to be?
Again, this is just my opinion. I'm not criticizing yours!
i can relate only too well to those feelings :(
ReplyDeletep.s. nice to see you post again!
hang in there, my doll.....
ReplyDeleteit comes...it comes...in the right time--when He knows it's best for you.....
I know... :-(
ReplyDeleteknowing that i'm not ready makes it harder...and easier, at the same time, y'know?
ReplyDeleteI had this feeling so strongly the other day, when my married sister and my older (single) sister were discussing some boys that had been redt for her. I cleared my throat and asked about me, and the two of them squirmed. I suddenly had this moment of "Oh my gosh I will never get married. Nobody out there wants me."
ReplyDeleteThen I squelched it. My time will come. Till then, I'll just wait. And hard as it is, I try to be happy for them and dance with a whole heart at their simchas. It doesn't make my time come any later...
It's hard...I wish I had comfort for you other than "me too" but for now, that's all there is.
I think that in spite of all the positive leaps made for womens rights and liberation, the mindset still prevails in our society that a woman without a ring on her finger is to be pitied and considered a notch below the other ladies. Even if those women's husbands are unemployed, lazy, disrespectful, and contolling, they are still considered "better than nothing" because they take the woman out of the old maid category.
ReplyDeleteMy 28 year old daughter is beautiful and successful. She is a pediatric specialist at one of the most prestigous childrens hospitals in the U.S. She recently bought herself a brand new townhouse and a brand new car. She has NO debts even with those purchases and, in fact, has a large bank account and earns an extremely nice paycheck. Her medical school expenses were paid in full by academic scholarships. Her goal is to open a clinic for underprivileged developmentally disabled children. She has many friends (both male and female)and an active social life. She was engaged a couple of years ago, but broke the engagement because it wouldn't have been fair to her fiance at this time in her life when her career goals and working with "her kids" are the most important things in her life. She is independent, happy, and living the life she dreamed of (being a doctor) from the time she was a little girl. She is an incredible young lady, but the first thing that everyone comments about her is: "It's a shame she's not married." I find that a sad reflection on our society!
I think there would be more happy marriages and fewer divorces if young girls didn't feel they had to accept the first proposal or feel pressured by their parents (and everyone else in their lives) to "find a nice guy, settle down,and get married." Sadly, by being pressured to snatch Mr. Right, these young girls often settle for Mr. Wrong.
Before you jump all over me, this is just the opinion of an older woman who wished she hadn't felt pressured to get married so young. I know there are girls who find their special guy early in life (I did!). However, I married him one month after I graduated from college because that's what everyone expected me to do. How many of you, if you were sincerely honest with yourselves, want to be married for the sake of being married because our culture makes you the odd guy (or gal)because you're not part of a "legal" couple yet...or choose not to be?
Again, this is just my opinion. I'm not criticizing yours!