It Video (renamed)

One person who watched this said i should please put up a warning. i'm not sure what she wants me to warn everyone about (although, rebbetzin, i would've liked one too before you suddenly sent it to me!!) but here it is:

WARNING!!

thanks for sending me this link, rebbetzin. it describes It so much better than my writing ever can...

new therapist

went into the city today
spent my time in an exciting way
an hour plus with a therapist stayed

we all know that i love therapy
love talking all about what troubles me
and always answer so honestly

that's why i'm surprised this time
that i'm here writing all these lines
cuz really i'm not doing fine

and i really told her so
she let me head back home though
cuz i signed a stupid contract, i know

that it was a real dumb thing to do
cuz now i'm bound, through and through
to stay here longer...with all of you.

feel honored? i feel horrored. promised so many things today, just so she wouldn't lock me up. i can't get locked up. no way. so i promised. but not because i wanted to. are forced promises counted as promises, or can i break them because i only made them so she'd let me go home, and really my heart wasn't in it?

It VII

It's hurting me again so bad
just make It go away,
It's not bothering to listen to
a single word i say.
It's hurting me again and again
quite continuously,
sometimes hidden really well
so nobody can see.
and so my nails, hands and teeth
again are put to use,
cuz they're my only coping skills,
i've had them since my youth.
to me It will not listen,
It just won't go away,
but maybe to you It will,
so please yell at It today.

It VI

It is in my underwear
freaking out, cuz It is here
i think it's cuz my niece keeps sitting there
once again giving me a scare

alive

to all those wondering: by some miracle, i am still alive. (thanks rebbetzen and HO ;-) writing just doesn't seem to be working right now, though there's been no lack of effort. sorry...