Thursday, October 30, 2008

The Battle I am Facing

this was written by a man who survived abuse as a child. i do not know his story, but found his poem on pandy's a while back, and he gave me permission to share it. i think it's one of the best descriptions i've ever seen of what it's like trying to heal from the trauma of abuse.
When I was a child, I thought as a child, I acted as a child, I suffered as a child and I was abused as a child.But after I became a man, I DECIDED TO FIGHT BACK
I entered in this battle with no basic training or instruction.
Surrounded by so much to fight I faced personal destruction.
I steadfastly refuse to surrender and never will retreat.
Each day I mount a new offensive after knowing real defeat.
Propaganda written of this war harms my will to fight,
Exhausted from the constant stress, I toss and turn at night.
Each day I dig a new foxhole for rest along the way.
But sleep is short before I rise to fight another day.
Oft times I feel I am left to war without a battle plan.
I feel I’m fighting all alone and struggle just to stand.
No way to call in air support for mortars or artillery.
I tried reaching out to others but no one answers me.
I lost my entire childhood, my self respect and pride.
My modesty, my dignity and it left me crushed inside.
The hurt, the shame, the humiliation affects me totally.
The guilt and pain of constantly dealing with the memory.
It took me very long to learn but I now clearly see.
A close look at the enemy revealed the enemy is me.
This is something I must deal with, I must conquer it.
No matter how hard the road ahead I faithfully commit.
To not give in, to not give up, to see this battle through.
Till I can know complete deliverance and I can feel brand new.
Each day I bandage up my wounds and determine to fight on
Even when I am so weary and it seems that hope is gone.
I oft review how this war began and try to count the cost.
The casualties are numerous and so much has been lost.
Looking ore this life-long struggle with no victory in view.
In this battle with my emotions, I am a P.O.W
~ Daved

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