Wednesday, November 12, 2008
no, i'm not about to talk about marriage. sorry, folks! that was just to catch your attention!
my friend posed a very interesting question last night. she asked me (here, i'll be quoting exact words from her text message) "why can't you tell people or people find out?" as usual, we were talking about my abuse, and how most people don't know about it. and it's not just me-most girls keep it very hidden, and few, if any people "officially" know any of their history. (i say "officially" cuz i know that there are people, like my above mentioned friend and many others, who figure it out on their own, but don't say anything until they're "officially" told)
here's my answer, and then i'll tell you what my proposal is, and hear all of you yell how i'm a nut!
(again, i'm basically quoting exactly what i told her. her response to the first part was "yup," and then we ended the conversation. it was only the middle of the night...) "cuz of the stupid society we live in. People don't want to see our pain.If they see our pain and hear our stories, they have to admit that all is not perfect, and that not all "frum" people are so great. They'd rather pretend it doesn't exist. It doesn't exist, there are just, nebach, some kids who get "turned off" of yiddishkeit, and try to get back at the frum world by making up stories...so we all sit in our little holes saying "oh yeah? there are other girls? where? you're just making it up to make me feel better" until we somehow meet up with each other by accident, which is really sad, cuz we can support each other...every person i know who was abused, molested, or raped, i met either by "accident" or anonymously online!"
again, before i make my proposal...realize, that i KNOW i'm being very stereotypical here. not everyone thinks that way. B"H, i am lucky to have a lot of wonderful people in my life who don't think that way. the point is though, that there is so much of that garbage out there, that we do have to keep it very secret, and we can't necessarily meet up with each other. i'm not saying that we should be broadcasting our histories all over the place. not everyone needs to know. but i think there is no logical reason why those of us who were abused/molested/raped should not get to know each other and support each other, without having to hide.
so, here's what i propose. every person who has responded to my blog knows at least one person (either me, or someone else!) who was hurt in this manner. why not let everyone gather here, and start a group of some sort, for FRUM girls/girls who grew up in frum homes-whatever they are up to now (i'm saying that specifically, not because i want to exclude anyone else, but because there is plenty of support out there for people who don't have the added issues of yiddishkeit to deal with)?
what do you all think? will you help me in this? (and if you think that i may know someone who you would send here, email me and i'll tell you how to deal with it. obviously, don't give any identifying information about the other person, but i do want to deal with it slightly differently...not because they may figure out who i am, but because if i figure out who they are and they don't want me to, it could be disasterous!) please respond folks!
just wanted to add, after getting an email in response to this: i am NOT at the moment talking about a face-to-face group. temporarily, it would be through my blog, and we'd take it from there...