Wednesday, November 12, 2008


no, i'm not about to talk about marriage. sorry, folks! that was just to catch your attention!

my friend posed a very interesting question last night. she asked me (here, i'll be quoting exact words from her text message) "why can't you tell people or people find out?" as usual, we were talking about my abuse, and how most people don't know about it. and it's not just me-most girls keep it very hidden, and few, if any people "officially" know any of their history. (i say "officially" cuz i know that there are people, like my above mentioned friend and many others, who figure it out on their own, but don't say anything until they're "officially" told)

here's my answer, and then i'll tell you what my proposal is, and hear all of you yell how i'm a nut!

(again, i'm basically quoting exactly what i told her. her response to the first part was "yup," and then we ended the conversation. it was only the middle of the night...) "cuz of the stupid society we live in. People don't want to see our pain.If they see our pain and hear our stories, they have to admit that all is not perfect, and that not all "frum" people are so great. They'd rather pretend it doesn't exist. It doesn't exist, there are just, nebach, some kids who get "turned off" of yiddishkeit, and try to get back at the frum world by making up we all sit in our little holes saying "oh yeah? there are other girls? where? you're just making it up to make me feel better" until we somehow meet up with each other by accident, which is really sad, cuz we can support each other...every person i know who was abused, molested, or raped, i met either by "accident" or anonymously online!"

again, before i make my proposal...realize, that i KNOW i'm being very stereotypical here. not everyone thinks that way. B"H, i am lucky to have a lot of wonderful people in my life who don't think that way. the point is though, that there is so much of that garbage out there, that we do have to keep it very secret, and we can't necessarily meet up with each other. i'm not saying that we should be broadcasting our histories all over the place. not everyone needs to know. but i think there is no logical reason why those of us who were abused/molested/raped should not get to know each other and support each other, without having to hide.

so, here's what i propose. every person who has responded to my blog knows at least one person (either me, or someone else!) who was hurt in this manner. why not let everyone gather here, and start a group of some sort, for FRUM girls/girls who grew up in frum homes-whatever they are up to now (i'm saying that specifically, not because i want to exclude anyone else, but because there is plenty of support out there for people who don't have the added issues of yiddishkeit to deal with)?

what do you all think? will you help me in this? (and if you think that i may know someone who you would send here, email me and i'll tell you how to deal with it. obviously, don't give any identifying information about the other person, but i do want to deal with it slightly differently...not because they may figure out who i am, but because if i figure out who they are and they don't want me to, it could be disasterous!) please respond folks!

just wanted to add, after getting an email in response to this: i am NOT at the moment talking about a face-to-face group. temporarily, it would be through my blog, and we'd take it from there...


  1. Hi,
    I come from a frum home and found your blog through pandys. I too have been thinking for a long time about starting a frum support group online and eventually in real life. I think its amazing and courageous of you to be posting and blogging as much as you do. I just want to thank you for being a voice for all the frum (and not frum) survivors out there!!!
    - K

  2. hi k! thanks for responding, and for the, now i'm curious to know which pandy-ite you!

    does this mean you'll join me?

  3. un:
    firstly, no current religious status does not make a difference for this! u grew up with it, and that's what counts. besides, if you read closely, i don't really consider my frumkeit to be so "way up there" so...

    non religious people may or may not be more accepting, but the fact is, if you compare the support available in the frum world (very hush-hush, hard to find plus one little thread on frum support) and the support available "out there" (,, and a million and a half books-which i'll be adding to the list as i read them!) it certainly seems like we need something of our own!

    however, i don't think that it's something we have to live with until the world does something about it. i'm all for starting right now, without the rest of the world!

  4. Im Kacy ;)
    I will def. join you- I agree with you one hundred percent!!!! I think its great that you got this far!! Feel free to pm me anytime- and Im not just saying that, I mean it serisouly... Lets be in touch :)

    p.s. how was your shabbat?


  5. kacy, which kacy are you?!?

    i lived through shabbat. that's about all i can say right now...

  6. lol- how many kacys are there are pandys?? :p I pm-d you once when things were especially tough for you... hmm... thats about all I can think of ;)

    Im glad you lived !!!!


  7. oh, that kacy! there are two kacys on pandy's...

    i actually prettty much figured that out last night, just didn't have time to tell you-the other kacy hasn't been seen on pandy's since august, when i hadn't put up my blog yet, so you obviously couldn't be her!

  8. oooh- how long have you been on pandys??

  9. anon, i've been on pandy's since may. you obviously know at least a little about pandy's...i'd love to know who you are, cuz you can't be kacy! unless i'm being very dense here, which is possible, because i tend to be dense sometimes...

  10. Your not being dense at all, Ive been on pandys for about 3 years, why cant I be kacy from pandys?? It is me :) I promise!!! What can I do to convince ya??? ;)

  11. sorry kacy, i just got a little confused there...aaargh! that's me!

  12. No need to apologize-

  13. I'm the opposite, prob because I'm BT. Thing is, my son's supposed to start school next year and all the past and recent stories are getting me seriously paranoid and homicidal. Considering bugging my kid's backpack.


c'mon, i know you're reading this! what do you think?