first evaluation done!

today was the first part of my evaluation. yay. a very exciting event...basically, this is what it was like:

"do you ever feel suicidal?
do you ever feel like you need to wash your hands a million times?
it's difficult to hear you, can you speak up a bit?
do you want to die?
have you ever been through any truama?
do you ever want to kill yourself?
can you try to talk in a louder voice please?
do you hear voices in your head?
do you ever hurt yourself? how?
do you ever feel like dying?
do you ever see things that other people don't see?
you'll have to speak up a little i can't hear you.
are you very anxious?
do you ever try killing yourself?
do you ever feel depressed?
do you feel like killing yourself now?
do you ever feel your heart racing and have trouble breathing?
have you ever been admitted to a psychiatric hospital?
do you avoid things because of your trauma? what?
i'm having trouble hearing you. can you speak a little louder?
are you on any medications?
which medications?
what doses?
have you ever been in therapy?
can you speak up, i can't hear you.
do you want to die?..."

no, it's you i wanna kill, idiot!!

seriously though, that's basically what the conversation was like. 45 minutes!!
and i have to go for a two hour psychological evaluation next week. at least that one's with a lady...

and get this:
for next weeks evaluation, i need to be completely off of all medications. why?
because the anti-anxiety medication i'm on that's not making me less anxious, and the sleep meds i'm on that are not making me fall asleep may actually randomly start working next week wednesday, at 11:00, which would make me less anxious and tired, and therefore make the lady doing my evaluation unable to see me extremely anxious and displaying all my ptsd symptoms, which are a requirement for the study.

makes a lot of sense, right?

well, i made it out alive...thanks everyone!