SI II

it's almost one in the morning.
i lie in bed and hurt.
the unfortunate thing about not needing
a knife, scissor, razor or match
to hurt myself
is that i can do it
almost any time
almost any place.
because my "weapons"
are always with me.
no one can take away
my hands
my teeth
my cut short fingernails.
i stare at the birthday poster
from my "little sisters"...
and i hurt.
i flip over to see all my
signs, quotes, and pictures from my friends...
and i hurt.
i look at the signs above my head
telling me to "have faith," reminding me of my value...
and i hurt.
i think about how dumb it is
that i cause myself more pain,
as though i don't have enough already...
and i hurt.

does it ever end?