help

i need to go someplace very far away
but i know i won't be getting there today

he's hurting me.
i know this is not real.
it's not happening now.
in fact, this...this...feeling
that i'm having right now,
this hurt,
i don't think it was ever real.
but it hurts.

i'm trying...i'm trying so hard.
why doesn't it go away?
why won't it leave me?
i'm doing everything i can
to make it go away.
but it won't.

maybe...maybe some of the answers i gave today weren't true.
maybe i'm deluding myself.
maybe i really do have serious mental health issues.
besides for the ones i admit to (depression, ptsd, suicidal thoughts, SI)
maybe i'm just a big, fat liar.
maybe they shouldn't be leaving me here
in my house
with my thoughts.
maybe i should be locked away
restrained.

i can't anymore...
i can't keep doing this...
where's the log off button on my brain?
somebody...
please...