Tuesday, December 16, 2008

final stupid study update

okay, so i had my final eval today. it was just for the head of the study to confirm that all the diagnosis that the other two made were accurate, so it was pretty short. he was the first one without any kind of unusual accent. but i couldn't stay calm the whole time, and he noticed.

he says that he doesn't think the study is for me cuz i belong on meds for my depression. and he apologized for it taking so long, but "we have to do it to make sure we can really help the people who join the study." well, idiot, did you ever consider that maybe, just maybe, you were making things worse for potential candidates by taking so long? this thing took FIVE weeks! if they had done the first three evals monday, thursday, monday and this one on the next thursday, the thing could've been over in TWO WEEKS! less than half the time!

i agreed to accept his apology offer of 14 weeks free treatment cuz it'll save my parents $440 a week in therapy costs. but i doubt i'll finish the course of treatment, cuz it doesn't sound too different than what my therapist now is doing. (he offered me IPT, which sounds like plain old talk-to-a-stranger-about-your-problems-therapy to me!) we're looking into plan B now, which is DBT, and sounds really hard to me, but it's supposed to be really helpful. (here is an explanation of what it is. however, most DBT programs are more intense than what it describes-a few hours a day five days a week rather than one group and one individual session a week. and many people in the programs don't have BPD. so no, you can't add that as another diagnosis for me!) i don't know if i can handle DBT, but i promised i'd try it. in the meantime, i'm a little in no-mans-land, cuz i don't know much about this IPT person, if she's really any good, if i'm gonna like her or not, if i'm gonna last more than a session...

1 comment:

  1. Sorry that they mucked you around for so long and then didnt even choose you but I'm sure that in the end it was for the best...who knows how long the study would have shlepped out for and then the analysis etc etc.

    Hope that whichever direction you now chose is helpful.

    Thinking of you


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