DID 11/22/2012

 DID

What's wrong with

Me

Lots and lots

Of

Parts and stuff

Singing

Inside my head

I

Can't ever hear what's

Said

Anger, sadness, hurt and

Pain

Split in parts inside my

Brain

Life's more fun but

Also

A doozie-when T takes over, I feel

Snoozie

Little Ones, Big Ones, In

Betweens

To me this is what

DID

means.

Healing Journey 4/24/2012

 The deep tunned is seeped in darkness. Only as wide as my shoulders, tall as my back as I crawl on my hands and knees. Each slow, painful movement brings another stone crashing down behind me, leaving no option of turning back. Wherever this tunnel leads, the only way out is through it. The end is so far, not even a glimmer of light passes through as I navigate this difficult turn. I try to reach up, to dig through the top, but the solid stone doesn't give, and I cannot see. And so I continue to drag, palms bloody, knees bruised, and back scraped, completely at the mercy of He who carefully and steadily fills the space behind my aching body with stone, as tightly fit as a perfect tetris line, without the benefit of disappearing. The slight movement of air tells me there must be an opening somewhere, yet with every push forward, it seems further away. I'm not sure I will make it to the end...yet the crashing stones push me ever forward.

Coming Back

The big question is, do I backdated all the stuff I want to put up or put the dates in the posts?

Anyway, this is me, testing out the app and deciding how to move forward with the blog. Can't wait to update you all!

Birthday Fundraiser

This year, for my birthday, I have a goal. I want to pay my therapist and psychiatrist each $1,000 of what I owe them. I owe my therapist around $6,000 and my psychiatrist at least $2,000.

It's not fair to them! They work so hard for me. They give me sliding scale rates, and I still don't manage to pay. (Right now, I rely on social security for my income, and it doesn't even cover my rent...)

Here are a few ways you can help!

Purchase a bag or t-shirt, with custom suicide awareness art! I created this piece with the help of Cella Schieffelin, who kindly provided free graphics help. You can purchase those here!

I have fundraising accounts on two different platforms: GoFundMe and TheChesedFund. Donations through either of those are greatly appreciated! Use the one that you are most comfortable with.

Another way to donate is to mail a check to me made out to one of my providers. For information on how to do this, please email me at abusehurtme at gmail dot com.

And of course, cash donations can be accepted. If you know me personally and wish to donate this way, please use your preferred method of communicating with me!

I will try to post after my birthday (September 19th) to give you all an update on how I've been doing! For now, I would like this to be the first thing people see when they get to my blog.

Care Coordinators

The difference between having a care manager who tries, and who does research, and one who doesn't:

Old care manager (OCM): oh, good. You have an apartment to live in
New care manager (NCM): you're rent is how much? Your SSD is how much? That doesn't work. Let's apply for supportive housing

OCM: here are 15 numbers you should call to see if you can get medical transportation
NCM: I'm faxing a form to your doctor so you can get medical transportation. I filled out everything that doesn't need to be filled out by a physician.

OCM: if you need someone to come to your apartment more than once a month, you need to switch to a program with a higher level of care. 1 year later: oh, you don't qualify for that program we talked about last July
NCM: I can meet with you once month, but you clearly need more support. Let's fill out an application for program x.

That's just from two meetings with NCM.