Monday, December 1, 2008

the real me

sometimes i wonder-
which is the real me?
is it the me who
laughs with you so normally?
or is it the me
who lies in bed staring
and wondering when
it'll finally be morning?
is it the me who
talks about futures full of hope?
or is it the me who
tries to breathe...but chokes?

really, they're all me, but none are me.
when i laugh with you...the pain leaves. for just a few seconds. but when the joke's over, the laughters gone. i remember once in high school, one of my friends got annoyed at me, sat down right next to me and started straight into my eyes. (don't try this at home...) "smile!" she ordered. somehow, for a few short lived seconds, i saw the humor in it, and i did smile. but i also remember the choked back sob when the smile faded and she said "don't stop!" but it was too late-the smile was gone...

the physical sun rises and sets daily, and yet, every night (see what time i'm writing this?) i lie in bed and stare at all my inspirational signs and posters (which don't seem to be doing their jobs...) and wonder, will my morning ever come?

hope? what's that?

and breathing...i try that all the time. i'm not usually very successful at relaxed breathing

so really, if you think about it, who is the real me?


  1. Am I the one who made you think about what is hope? Don't worry-I didn't forget my promise. The new router was supposed to come today. Sigh. Let's see if it comes tomorrow...

  2. you and a million others! always thinking, never really getting answers...

  3. Ok, no WAY I'm gonna let you get me started on this one... because it means going one step back to "what is real" which could keep me awake for hours.

    When I got tired enough once, I shushed myself by deciding the answer is everything and nothing.

    You can chew on that until I wake up.

    (btw, my word verification on this is "dredle." Seasonal, eh?)

  4. shef, of course you got dredle! it's to get the other songs out of your head ;)

    i've been chewing over that comment for way too long. care to tell me what it's supposed to mean?

  5. The real you is the one who wonders which one is real.... the FIGHTER.
    The real you is the one who fights and stays fighting strong.
    The real you is the one who is unbroken even though she should be shattered.
    The real you is the one none of us knows of how you look, yet your grace and beauty is.... overwhelming.
    You are the real one.
    (I am going poetic again.)


c'mon, i know you're reading this! what do you think?