Saturday, August 9, 2008
this is a really long one...not so poetic, even though i intended for it to be a poem...but it's one that i hope i'll be able to change many, many times!
some people wonder
why i keep crashing.
what triggers me?
well, here goes:
but especially men with red hair,
and a red beard makes it even worse.
red hair-in general-and if i find one on MY head?! you don't wanna know!
any body naked-boy or girl,
but boys are worse
any pictures or advertisements that have men or women who are not fully clothed
magazines at the cash register
tickling-it doesn't even have to be someone tickling me-
if i see someone tickling someone else...
even worse, a boy tickling a girl
a certain tone of laughter-i can't even describe it
just the thought of dating.
any stories that mention abuse of any kind
people touching me
seeing any kind of touching between men and women,
boys and girls...
me touching my own body
any two parts of my body touching each other
ok, lets be real-
any mention of anything even connected to sex
showers and baths
navy blue polo/t-shirts
lying down flat on my back,
or someone asking me to,
sometimes even seeing someone else flat on their back!
lying down flat on my stomach...
well, same as my back!
having any article of clothing around my neck
without my arms through the sleeves
walking anywhere at night
not having immediate access to help when i need it
Girls Run Out So Slowly
one specific spot in the living room of my house
one specific spot in the dining room of my house
any room that's set up exactly like mine was
closing my eyes
my "little" brother who looks like him
pictures of him, his wife or his kids
seeing him, his wife or his kids
anyone with his name
alomost anything creepy-crawly, really
sleeping in other people's houses
changing kids in general
ads on trains and busses
being drugged to fall asleep
lack of memory
footsteps in the dark
any hair on me
that's not attached to me
smells of certain foods cooking
even though dep inside,
i really want them
anniversary of The Explosion
and The Night Before
being up very late friday nights
socks without something covering the rest of my leg well
some biblical events...
i could go on, but...